Anthony Finally Gets It
by Anthony Staffenhagen
Summary: On the day before her birthday, Whatshername gets very sick and Anthony sets out to find the ingredients for her medicine.
1. Chapter 1

Luan: So you mean he's gonna find one of my jokes funny?!

No Luan, that's not what the title means.

Luan: Dang it.

 **September 7th, 2018**

Anthony was in Lincoln's living room with Rita, Lynn Sr., Lynn Jr., Lincoln, and Whatshername. They were sitting around the coffee table, playing Vegetables Region.

Lincoln: Okay Anthony, your turn.

Anthony had his head down on the table because he was so sad.

Anthony: I don't want to. Whatshername, roll for me.

Whatshername: Again? Seriously?

Lynn Sr.: I'll roll the dice for him.

Lynn Sr. rolled the dice.

Lynn Sr.: You got corn and spinach.

Anthony: I don't care.

Lynn Sr. picked up a card.

Lynn Sr.: Which NBA player was the 17th to score 86 points in a single game?

Anthony: Brett Favre.

Lynn Jr.: …The NBA is a basketball league. Brett Favre was a football player.

Anthony: I know.

Lynn Jr.: …Okay, we've gotta do something. We're not gonna win the tournament if we've got Wayne Gretzky being traded to the Kings on our team. What's he so sad about anyway?

Anthony: What do you think I'm sad about?! Eureka died!

Lynn Jr.: You're still sad about that? It's been like 2 weeks.

Anthony: Have any of your sisters died?

Lynn Jr.: ….No. But she wasn't your…

Anthony: Then you can't tell me how long the grieving process is.

There was some awkward silence for a moment.

Lincoln: ….Okay…..Let's get back to the game. It's your turn, Whatsher…

Lincoln could tell he was about to sneeze. He turned to his right and accidentally sneezed in Whatshername's face.

Lincoln: Ah-choo!

After being sneezed on, Whatshername's eyes got very wide and she frowned.

Lincoln: Excuse me.

Lincoln looked at Whatshername.

Lincoln: Oh, and sorry about that.

Whatshername started screaming and then ran upstairs. The Louds in the room were very baffled by what had just happened. Anthony wasn't.

Lynn Jr.: What's with her?

Anthony: I'll go talk to her.

Anthony went upstairs. He opened Lincoln's bedroom door and saw Whatshername lying in Lincoln's bed.

Anthony: Why did you just run up here screaming?

Whatshername: …I'm gonna die.

After Whatshername explained to Anthony what was going on, he went back downstairs and over to Lincoln with the angriest expression Lincoln had ever seen him have.

Lincoln: So, what's up with Whatshername?

Anthony: ….

Anthony grabbed underneath Lincoln's head and started shaking him back and forth.

Lincoln: Uh…

Anthony: I'M TRYING TO THROTTLE YOU, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE A NECK!

Lynn Sr.: But why?

Lincoln: Probably just because I'm Lincoln.

Anthony: That is only part of the reason! The other part is because your stupid sneeze is gonna make Whatshername die!

Lincoln: What?!

Rita: How could just one sneeze…?

Anthony: Go upstairs and see for yourself! She's in Lincoln's room!

Rita: You need to calm down. And stop shaking my son.

Anthony let go of Lincoln. The five of them went upstairs.

Anthony: Don't bother saying that I'm being ridiculous and Whatshername's fine because when you open the door, you'll cut that sentence short and scream.

Lincoln: …..What are you…?

Lincoln opened the door to his room. Lincoln, Lynn Jr., Rita, and Lynn Sr. screamed.

Anthony: Told ya'.

Whatshername's skin now had a black tint to it. Her tentacles were shriveled up and she was moaning in pain.

Whatshername: *cough* *cough*

Lincoln: What happened to her?

Anthony: You gave her Squid's Disease!

Lincoln: Squid's Disease?

Anthony left.

Lincoln: Isn't that from a SpongeBob episode?

Whatshername: That was a fake version Octoward made up. I have the real thing.

Lincoln: You mean Squidward?

Whatshername: I call him Octoward. Anyway, I'm gonna die sometime in the next few hours, and it's the day before my birthday, and it's all your fault, so GO AWAY!

Lynn Jr.: You're really gonna die? All Lincoln did was sneeze on you.

Whatshername: I'm an Inkling. We've been without humans for millions of years, so human germs are phenomenally dangerous to us because we never needed a resistance to them.

Lynn Jr.: You're a what?

Lincoln got worried.

Whatshername: I'm from a video game, okay?! And I'm not too fond of how much you hate Nintendo. I'd throw a pillow at you if yelling at you hadn't wasted a lot of the little energy I have.

Lynn Jr.: But if you're a video game character, than how are you real?

Whatshername: I don't have time to explain that. Lincoln, you're the one who made me sick, so you gotta do that cliché thing where you do anything I want. For starters, open the window.

Lincoln opened the window.

Lincoln: If I'm gonna do this, couldn't you at least not lay in my bed? It's gonna get all…

Whatshername: No! I'm thirsty. Go get me a lemon lime soda.

Lincoln: I don't think you should be drinking soda when you're this sick.

Whatshername give Lincoln an angry glare.

Lincoln: That angry glare is not gonna work.

Whatshername: Alright, fine. I guess I don't get to have a tasty drink one last time…before I die…..because of you.

Lincoln: ….Fine! I'll go get you a Ditto Twist.

Whatshername: A…what? Is that some different flavor? I only like regular Ditto.

Lincoln: It's the same thing. They just changed the name.

Whatshername: They changed the…? N-no. That's dumb. I refuse to drink that. Just call Diancie and tell her to come over here. And tell her to bring the whole group. Including Poipole.

Lincoln: Why wouldn't Poipole be included?

Whatshername: He's not an official member of the group yet. We're kinda sorta trying to make him one. And after you call Diancie, make me some chocolate pudding.

Everybody in the room, except Whatshername of course, left and went downstairs. Anthony laid down on the couch and started crying.

Lynn Sr.: Is there nothing we can do about this? Squid's Disease doesn't have a cure?

Anthony: I asked her and she said there's no known…

Anthony heard something. He instantly sat up dramatically and put his hand behind his left ear. Then he ran out of the house at an incredible speed. He ran to Reflection Cave and went through one of the portals. It took him to the universe of…


	2. The Cure

…The Amazing World of Gumball!

Anthony crashed through a bunch of stuff like houses and fences. A trail of destruction followed behind him. He ran across the freeway at 200 miles per hour. He eventually made it to the Nurse's Office at Elmore Junior High. Teri was there with the nurse.

Teri: And then you mix all the ingredients together and…

They heard a rumbling sound. Anthony came in and slid across the floor on his stomach. He grabbed Teri.

Anthony: What did you just say?!

Teri pointed behind Anthony and screamed. A bunch of debris Anthony caused while he was running went past them. After it cleared, Anthony started shaking Teri.

Anthony: Teri! What did you just say?!

Teri: I said *screams*

Anthony: Before that!

Teri: I was just talking about this newly discovered ailment called Squid's Disease and how there might be a cure for it!

Anthony put Teri down and sat down in front of her.

Anthony: You have my attention.

Teri: I have your attention for what?

Anthony: Tell me about the disease!

Teri: All I know is that it can only affect squids. I didn't bother reading any further. I have too many diseases to worry about already, I don't have time for ones I'm immune to.

Anthony: Then where's the closest computer?!

Teri: There's one in the teachers' office, but you can't…

Anthony ran out of the Nurse's Office, crashing through the door. He went past Miss Simian's classroom and then stopped. He peaked through the window in the classroom's door because he couldn't resist seeing Gumball and Darwin.

Miss Simian: Who was the 39th president of the United States?

Gumball: Abraham Lincoln?

Hearing Gumball's answer to that question made Anthony mad.

Miss Simian: That's wrong, Watterson.

Anthony: LINCOLN! So much as hearing that name makes me so angry I could just…!

Anthony punched a locker. He made no dent to the locker and the punch really hurt his hand.

Anthony: OW! Maybe there was a way I deserved that. Now what was I doin'? Right, of course! Keeping Whatshername alive. I shouldn't have stopped to watch Gumball and Darwin. They have no relevancy to what's going on and I shouldn't see what they're doing just for the sake of seeing what they're doing.

Banana Joe walked by.

Anthony: Can you show me where the teachers' office is?

Banana Joe: Sure. Follow me.

Banana Joe started walking to the teachers' office. Anthony followed him.

Anthony: So what's it like having a locker? I never got to experience that.

Banana Joe: Are you home schooled?

Anthony: I'm a former Pokémon Trainer. Pokémon Trainers don't go to school at all.

Banana Joe: I don't know what that means, but okay.

The two of them arrived at the teachers' office. Anthony tried to open the door.

Anthony: It's locked. How are we gonna get in?

Banana Joe: Allow me!

Banana Joe took off his peel and jumped to the door. He started trying to squeeze his body through the key hole. It took him some time, but he eventually got through and opened the door for Anthony.

Anthony: Thank you.

Anthony went into the office and over to the computer. He looked up Squid's Disease on Elmore Search.

Anthony: I'm disappointed doesn't exist in this universe.

Anthony found a website with an article about Squid's Disease and memorized the things he needed to make the cure.

Anthony: Thanks again.

Banana Joe: You're welcome.

Banana Joe just laid there on the floor, a sad pile of smushed up banana.

Anthony: The first thing I need is 75 French fries. Where's a good place where I can..? Oh wait, of course!

Anthony ran out of the school and up to Rocky's bus.

Anthony: I need you to drive me to Joyful Burger!

Rocky: You do know this is a school bus, not a cab, right?

Anthony: Uhh…This is a life or death situation?

Rocky: What life or death situation requires going to Joyful Burger?

Anthony: Umm…This one?

Rocky: …..

Anthony: ….Look, you and I both know that this conversation seems to be leading up to me saying something that makes you comedically freak out and drive the bus to Joyful Burger as fast as possible. So why don't you just start…?

Rocky pushed Anthony off the bus and shut the door.

Anthony: I guess that ended up not going how I initially expected it to. How am I gonna get to Joyful Burger now?

Anthony looked forward and saw a Joyful Burger within walking distance and another one right next to it.

Anthony: Oh, right. Joyful Burgers are everywhere.

Anthony walked into the closer Joyful Burger.

Anthony: Larry! How many fries am I likely to get if I order an extra large?

Larry: I'm sorry, sir. But we're out of fries. So is the Joyful Burger next door.

Anthony: Out of fries? How?

Larry: Someone came by earlier today and ordered them all.

Anthony: Who?

Anthony went to Gumball's house because the person who bought all the fries was Richard.

Anthony looked through the living room window and saw Richard sitting on the couch next to a gigantic pile of fries.

Anthony: Let's see. Should I sneak in there and try to be stealthy with my French fry taking or should I tell him they're needed to save someone's life and hope he believes me?

Anthony thought this over for a minute.

Anthony: The answer is neither. I'm gonna lie to him because it's more fun that way.

Anthony knocked on the door and Richard answered it.

Anthony: Hello. I am a French fry tax collector, and you owe the government 75 fries.

Richard: I share my food with no one!

Anthony: But the government…

Richard: UNLESS they agree with me on what the best sauce is.

Anthony: I don't put sauce on fries.

Richard: *gasp*

Anthony: I don't put sauce on anything actually.

Richard: That is the exact opposite of what I wanted to hear!

Richard angrily slammed the door. Anthony knew Richard's short term memory was terrible, so he waited a few seconds and then knocked on the door again.

Richard: Yes?

Anthony: I love all sauces equally.

Richard: I thought I was the only one!

Anthony: Yeah, yeah, great. Can I have some of your fries?

Richard: Help yourself!

Anthony went into the house and started picking up fries.

Anthony: I apologize to anyone who now wants French fries, due to me talking about them so much, and has no way to get any right now.

Anthony realized something.

Anthony: Well I'm really dumb. I could've just went to another Joyful Burger. I just wasted a lot of Whatshername's precious time…Well, at least this way was more interesting than just going to a restaurant, getting what I needed, and then leaving. That wouldn't have been worth seeing at all.

Richard: Are you talking to me?

Anthony: Nope.


	3. I LIKE FRENCH FRIES!

Anthony went back to Reflection Cave, carrying a bag with 75 French fries in it.

Anthony: Let's see. What was next on that list?...Oh, I should've written it down!

 **Karli's House**

Karli and Twin Anthony stepped out of Karli's time machine.

Karli: Going to that time period we just got back from sure was enjoyable.

Twin Anthony: Yeah. But I still feel we shouldn't have gone by ourselves.

Karli: Too late now.

Karli's time machine started rumbling.

Karli: What's goin' on with the time machine?

Twin Anthony: I don't know. I've never seen it do that before.

Karli: Me either.

The time machine started making a loud and annoying whistling noise. Karli and Twin Anthony had to cover their ears.

Karli: Now it's making a loud and annoying whistling noise.

Twin Anthony: What should we do?

Karli: I don't know. I don't know anything about how the time machine was built or what's causing it to rumble and make that noise. I guess we have no choice but to wait and see what…

The time machine burst and appeared to be broken…because it was. Karli tried to use it again to see if it would still work, which it of course didn't.

Karli: It's broke!

Twin Anthony: This means we can't time travel anymore. And when I say "we," I don't mean just me and you, I mean everyone. And on top of that, you need the time machine to go to your mom's house.

Karli: That's not true. I'll just use Reflection Cave. It's less convenient than the time machine, but still very doable.

Twin Anthony: But it'll be her house in 2018. Think about that.

Karli thought about that.

Karli: Oh, you're right. She won't have seen me for 16 years and she'll have no idea why.

A portal appeared and Lisa Special came out of it.

Karli: Lisa! Can you fix my time machine?

Lisa: Time machine?

Lisa looked at the time machine and examined it.

Lisa: I'm sorry, but it's broken beyond repair. But I could very easily make another time machine for you.

Karli: Thanks, but nope! That was the one and only time machine for me.

Lisa: Hhhm. That is an interesting opinion to have. Anyway, the reason I'm here is to give you a day before your birthday present.

Karli: Yay! My birthday!

Twin Anthony: You're excited about your birthday? You're over that dumb phase where you think being at least 13 is being old?

Karli: …..Apparently I am.

Lisa: ….Oh. Then maybe this isn't such a good present after all.

Lisa gave Karli her present and she opened it. It was a bottle of water from the Fountain of Youth.

Lisa: If you drink this, you'll turn 10 and stay 10 for a very long time.

When Karli heard that, she instantly changed her mind about being willing to age.

Twin Anthony: Karli! Don't do it!

Karli drank all of the water in the bottle, which caused her to age down 4 years.

Twin Anthony: You're gonna regret that.

Karli: No I'm not.

Lisa handed Karli another bottle of Fountain of Youth water.

Lisa: When you see Diancie, will you give that to her?

Karli: Sure.

Lisa: Do either of you know where Anthony is?

Karli: No, but I have to go to Reflection Cave to see my mom and for some reason, I get the feeling he's there.

Lisa: Mind if I come with you?

Karli: You just made me a 10-year-old again. It would be wrong if I didn't do whatever you want.

Twin Anthony: I'm coming too.

Twin Anthony grabbed Karli and Lisa's arms and ran them to Reflection Cave really fast.

Lisa: What the?! How did you…?

Twin Anthony: I'll tell you when I know you better.

Karli: So which one of these portals goes to the X Universe?

Twin Anthony: We'd better start looking.

Lisa: That won't be necessary. I can just do this.

Lisa used her device to open a portal to the X Universe.

Karli: Cool. Can you make one of those for me?

Lisa: No problem.

Karli: But instead of a watch, can mine be…..something I don't have to wear? Like,…no, not a toaster. Umm…a blender?

Lisa: Uhh…sure.

Karli: Thanks. Come on, Twin Anthony. Let's go.

Twin Anthony: You seem awfully calm about this.

Karli: What are you talking about? We're just going to see my…Oh, right. The whole 16 year time skip thing.

Karli and Twin Anthony were about to go through the portal, but then Anthony showed up.

Karli: Hey, Anthony. What goes on?

Anthony: Can't talk right now. I need to get stuff to save Whatshername's life.

Twin Anthony: Save her life?!

Anthony: She's got Squid's Disease.

Karli: Whatshername's dying?!

Karli was happy about this but only for a moment. Then she got sad.

Karli: Whatshername's dying.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

Karli: We've gotta make this visit as short as possible. I wanna become friends with Whatshername while I still can.

Karli and Twin Anthony went through the portal.

Lisa: So, Anthony…?

Anthony: Did you hear that Mallow got her memory back?

Lisa: She did? How?

Anthony: I gave her a photo of her brother and told her to rip it up, which she did. Which means that plotline is done and I don't have to worry about it anymore.

Lisa: …How did that…?

Anthony: Because it reminded her of the joy of Cliff feeling pain.

Lisa: And she remembers everything now?

Anthony: As far as we know, she does.

Lisa: …..Wow. Your universe continues to boggle my mind, Anthony. There's still so much about it I don't know.

Anthony: But isn't your universe just as wacky?

Lisa: Perhaps I don't get out enough.

Anthony: Yeah, maybe. Now can you please print off the ingredients to Squid's Disease medicine off your brain printer for me? I can't for the life of me remember what they were.

Lisa: Of course.

Lisa printed off the list of ingredients and gave it to Anthony.

Anthony: Okay, now I remember these. Thanks.

Anthony started to leave.

Lisa: Wait. Before you go, can I ask you a question?

Anthony: Does it involve characters I don't like being playable in Super Smash Bros.?

Lisa: No.

Anthony: Ask away.

Lisa: Well, you see, my boyfriend broke up with me today, so….Would you like to go out to dinner with me sometime?

Anthony: …..As friends, right?

Lisa: ….I was kinda hoping it could be as more than…

Anthony: No! Sorry, you're awesome, but no. If I liked girls that way, I probably would've said yes, but I don't.

Lisa: Oh, I see. You never told me you were…

Anthony: I don't like boys that way either.

Lisa: …..I see.

Anthony: …How 'bout this? At around 11:00 PM tomorrow, we'll go to I don't know, something and then leave at around 1. We can say we're having a somewhat date to celebrate both our birthdays.

Lisa: That sounds fun. Sure.

Anthony: And now I'm gonna leave because me standing around talking to you is, to put it lightly, ruining Whatshername's life.

Anthony ran out of Reflection Cave as fast as he could.


	4. Chapter 4

**The X Universe**

Karli and Twin Anthony made it to Karli's mom's house.

Karli: Well…here it goes.

Karli was gonna ring the doorbell, but she was way too nervous to.

Karli: I can't do it! I've changed my mind. Let's get a new time machine. What kind of person would I be if I just skipped over 16 years of my mom's life? Anyone who does something like that must be the dumbest nincompoop to ever walk the Earth.

A person inside the house opened the door. It was a person older than Karli who she had never seen before.

?: Are you…Karli O'Donnell?

Karli: …Uh-huh.

?: Oh my Arceus! You're finally here!

The person inside the house hugged Karli.

Karli: Whoa! What's goin' on here?

?: I'm your brother!

Karli: My brother?...Oh yeah, my mom was pregnant. I forgot about that.

Karli's brother ran back into the house.

Karli's brother: Mom! She's back!

Karli: Don't play the pronoun game!

Twin Anthony: I think what "she" means will be pretty clear.

Twin Anthony went inside.

Twin Anthony: Aren't you coming in?

Karli: I'd really rather not.

Twin Anthony: Why?

Karli: Like I said, we've gotta get another time machine so I don't have to miss my mom's life from 2002 to 2018.

Twin Anthony: But doesn't what your brother said make it pretty obvious that you DID miss those years?

Karli: We can go back in time and change that.

Twin Anthony: Can we? If we did change that, wouldn't the effects of it already be in place?

Karli: I don't know. The rules of time travel seem to change every time they get a chance to.

Karli saw inside the house and noticed her brother coming downstairs with her mom.

Karli's mom: Karli? Is it really you?

Karli: Mommy!

Karli ran inside. Karli's mom hugged her.

Karli's mom: …..So, why have you been gone for so long? I haven't seen you since 2002.

Karli: Well, you see, the time machine broke, so I couldn't come here unless it was 2018.

Karli's mom: That explains why you don't look any older.

Karli's brother: I thought you looked a little young looking for a 30-year-old.

Karli: Yep. There's only one reason why I'm still a kid. And that reason is the time travel shenanigans. No other reasons at all.

Karli's mom: …Actually, you look a little shorter than I remember. But….just barely.

Karli: I didn't drink any magic water that turned me 10 if that's what you're thinking.

Karli's mom: …..That's exactly what you did, isn't it?

Karli: Yes.

Karli looked down and closed her eyes in shame. Twin Anthony could tell that this was an awkward situation, so she left.


	5. Chapter 5

Whatshername was still laying in Lincoln's bed, now in even worse condition. Snot was coming out of her nose, her teeth were a dark yellow color, and her pupils were much wider than they should have been.

Whatshername: Lincoln, how come Diancie never came? You did call her, right?

Lincoln: Yeah. But no matter how many times I told her you have Squid's Disease, she just kept denying it. I don't think there's anything we could say to get her to come down here.

Whatshername: …..I know one thing that will. Call her again and then give me the phone.

Lincoln called Diancie on Whatshername's squid shaped phone and then gave it to her.

Diancie: You having a fatal disease is less true than Sans being Ness!

Whatshername: …

Diancie: Whatshername?

Whatshername: …I can't believe I'm about to say this, but…the title is being revealed.

Diancie dropped the phone in shock.

Whatshername: Will you tell everybody I said that?...Diancie?

Diancie started freaking out.

Diancie: Celebi! The title is being revealed!

Celebi: The title is being revealed?!

Diancie: THE TITLE IS BEING REVEALED! Get Poipole and….the other two and meet me there!

Celebi: Meet you where?

Diancie: At…I don't know actually!

Whatshername: The Loud House! *couch* *hack*

Diancie: The Cloud Blouse!

Celebi: I'm pretty sure she said "The Loud House."

Diancie: That makes more sense! Now get moving!

Lincoln: What are they freaking out about? The title of what is being revealed?

Whatshername: It's a code we came up with.

Lincoln: That means what?

Whatshername: …..I'm gonna say what my real name is.

Lincoln started freaking out because he couldn't believe his ears.

Lincoln: I've gotta tell everybody!

Lincoln started running out of the room.

Whatshername: Wait. Define "every…"

Lincoln ran out the room.

Whatshername: Lincoln!...Lincoln!...Lincoln!

Lincoln was downstairs now.

Lincoln: Whatshername's gonna say her real name! Whatshername's gonna say her real name!

The members of Lincoln's family started freaking out too. Some more than others. Lincoln called George.

George: I assume you're not, but please don't tell me you're calling to tell me Leni is…

Lincoln: THE TITLE IS BEING REVEALED!

George: *gasp* Where?! Where?!

Lincoln: My house!

George dropped his phone and ran out of his house. Then he went back inside.

George: Should probably tell Karli.

George called Karli's mom. Karli was still at her mom's house.

Karli's mom: You should go on another Pokémon journey through Kanto sometime. A lot has changed since you've been gone.

Karli: That sounds…

The phone rang and Karli's mom answered it.

Karli's mom: Hello…Uhh…Karli, George just said you should meet him at the Loud house because "The title is being revealed."

Karli was both shocked and completely happy.

Karli: I gotta go! You know how important this is to me! Call Twin Anthony and tell her for me.

Karli's mom: Have you told me before what "The title is being revealed." means and what the Loud house is? I can't remember.

Karli: JUST DO IT!

Karli ran out of the house. Karli's mom called Twin Anthony.

Karli's mom: The title is being revealed at the Loud house, whatever that means.

Twin Anthony ran to the Loud house and got there instantly. She was gonna call Anthony, but then he called her.

Anthony: The title is being revealed?

Twin Anthony: How'd you guess?

Anthony: Now's the best time for Whatshername to tell us her real name. But I'm too busy to come over there and I already know her name anyway. Bye.

Karli ran past Diancie. They had a conversation as they kept running. Well, what Diancie was doing wasn't exactly running because she doesn't have legs, but…you know what I mean.

Karli: Hey, Diancie! This is for you.

Karli held out Diancie's bottle of Fountain of Youth water.

Diancie: I don't like water.

Karli: When I drank my bottle, it turned me 10. So I'm assuming yours will turn you 719.

Diancie: FRICK YEAH!

Diancie took the bottle from Karli and drank the whole thing, which caused her to age down 4 years.

Diancie: Will I stay 719 now?

Karli: I think so.

Diancie: Good. You have no idea how much it bugged me that I wasn't that age.

Karli: ….So, you going to the Loud house to find out Whatshername's name?

Diancie: No! I'm going there to tell her to STOP BEING CRAZY!

Karli: You don't wanna know her name?

Diancie: I **do** know her name! It's Whatshername!


	6. Chapter 6

Karli and Diancie arrived at the Loud house. The other members of Diancie's group and George hadn't gotten there yet.

Diancie: WHERE IS SHE?!

Rita: In Lincoln's room.

Diancie: WHY DO YOU THINK I KNOW WHICH ROOM IS WHICH?!

Lincoln: It's at the end of the hallway upstairs.

Diancie went upstairs and into Lincoln's room really fast.

Diancie: WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!

Whatshername: …..I'm sick?

Diancie: You…you are?

Whatshername saw Diancie's sad face and realized she didn't have the heart to tell her she would soon be dead.

Whatshername: …..But it'll go away really soon.

Diancie: Phew. That's good. Anyway, about how you're gonna tell everybody your other name. DON'T!

Whatshername: Why shouldn't I?

Diancie: Because there's absolutely zero reason you should. No matter what your horrible parents and the dumb birth certificate they forced on you say your name is, your name is Whatshername! Stick to your commitment to that! I've known you for almost 3 years and I've never once heard you say your so called real name once. Why give up on that like this all of a sudden?

Whatshername: ….You know what?...You're right! What my parents claim my name is was never anybody's business before. Why should it be now just because I'm…..?

Diancie: ….You're…what?

Whatshername: …..Sick. I was gonna tell them because I'm sick.

Diancie: Why? What sense does that make?

Whatshername: Eh…I don't know.

Diancie: Well, as long as you're convinced not to do it now.

Whatshername: I am.

Diancie: Awesome! So, I'm gonna go home. See ya' later.

Whatshername: Are you sure you don't wanna hang out?

Diancie: I was doing something important. I'll see you tomorrow.

Whatshername: ….Yeah…you sure will.

Whatshername started crying a little. She tried to get up so she could hug Diancie, but she was too sick to.

Whatshername: Good bye, Diancie.

Diancie: Bye, Miss Overdramatic.

Diancie was about to leave, but then she realized she had to stop her denial. She went over to Whatshername and gave her a huge hug.

Diancie: You and Celebi are the only ones in the whole multiverse who are still alive that I like. It's really gonna suck when it's just Celebi again. I've only known you for three years and yet now I can't imagine life without you. I'm gonna miss you so much!

Whatshername: Me too.

Diancie went over to the door.

Diancie: …..Goodbye.

Diancie left the room.


	7. Chapter 7

Diancie went downstairs. The other members of Diancie's group and George were there now.

Lincoln: Did she say it?!

Diancie: No, and she's not going to. So everybody, leave her alone! And this is for sneezing on her.

Diancie slapped Lincoln in the back of the head.

Lincoln: …That's it?

Diancie: For now. I've got MUCH more planned for you after I get my chainsaw.

Diancie left.

George: …..I've got an idea!

George ran up to Lincoln's room.

George: TELL ME YOUR NAME!

Whatshername: It's Whatshername.

George: Well now I'm just confused. Look, if you tell me your real name, I'll confess a secret of MINE.

Whatshername: I don't care if you confess a…

George: This is not my real voice! I was born with vocal chords that don't work, so I got a machine put inside me when I was a kid that gives me an artificial voice.

Whatshername didn't know how to respond to this.

George: I should clarify. I wasn't a kid who gives myself a fake voice.

Whatshername: Yeah, yeah, I knew what you meant.

George: So will you tell me your real name now?!

Whatshername: NO, I won't.

George: OH! You don't believe me I see.

Whatshername: I do. And that's not why I won't…

George: Well fine then! I'll prove it! I will prove…IT!

George reached down his throat and ripped the artificial voice box out of his body. Then he threw it on the ground. This made it so he couldn't talk.

Whatshername: …..Do you know how to get that back in?

George nodded no. He was about to leave but Whatshername stopped him.

Whatshername: Wait. I know you can't talk, but can you tell Karli to come up here? Just tap her on the shoulder and then look up the stairs twice.

George went downstairs.

Poipole: I still don't get what the big deal about her name is.

Karli: You just don't know her well enough.

George tapped Karli on the shoulder and then looked up the stairs twice. Karli could tell he was indicating to her to go talk to Whatshername. Karli went upstairs and into Lincoln's room.

Whatshername: Karli, there's something I wanna tell you before I die.

Karli smiled because she was expected something she wanted to hear and went over to Whatshername.

Whatshername: You know how I'm always saying I hate you and I wish I didn't know you and stuff like that?

Karli: YES!

Karli got really happy because she was expecting Whatshername to apologize and say she wants to make up.

Whatshername: Well…..…I mean every word of it.

Karli's happiness went away.

Whatshername: You're lame, and annoying, and I can't stand you, and your opinion on Splatoon 2 is incorrect, and…

Karli punched Whatshername in the stomach.

Whatshername: Ow!

Karli: I'm glad you're dying now.

Whatshername: Now?

Karli: Do you think I like this rivalry we have?! Because I don't! Ever since the day I met you, I've wanted to be your friend.

Whatshername: But you never said…

Karli: But you continue to hate me for something I didn't even do. It's not my fault that Alain kidnapped us during the Pokémon Splatfast. You are nothing but the most idiotic meanie pants I've ever met and I hope you rot in Heck!

Karli slapped Whatshername in the face and then stormed out of the room.


	8. Chapter 8

Karli stormed out of the house and she walked past Anthony.

Anthony had a huge bag full of stuff and went into the house.

Anthony: I need your blender.

Lynn Sr.: What for?

Anthony: To make Whatshername's medicine.

Lincoln: Not that I want her to die, because I don't, but you can't give that to her until she tells us her real name.

Anthony: She's not gonna.

Lynn Jr.: How did you know that?

Twin Anthony: Speaking of you knowing things, you said you know Whatshername's name. Since she's not gonna tell us, will you?

Anthony: Nope. She chose that she wants it to remain a mystery and I respect her decision.

Twin Anthony: Can't you at least give us a hint?

Anthony: The only hint I wanna use would give it away.

George wrote "Tell us!" on a piece of paper and showed it to Anthony.

Anthony: But I don't wanna have to tell.

Anthony went into the kitchen and got the blender and started putting the stuff in his bag into it. Anthony put the ingredients into the blender as he said what they were.

Anthony: 75 French fries, 6 cups of cough syrup, 5 Slowpoke tails, nougat, an eraser, a wash cloth, juiced pancake, Eastern sandwich, red saltwater taffy, SpongeBob DVD, egg, and yam that's been fried.

Anthony blended all the ingredients together, turning them into a very dark purple liquid. He got a medicine cup and measured 30 milliliters of it. Then he went back into the living room.

Anthony: Okay, I'll tell you her name now.

Twin Anthony: You will? But you said you didn't want to.

Anthony: I don't want to but I also do want to if that makes any sense.

Lincoln: It doesn't.

Anthony: I want it to stay a secret but I also want to tell you. There. Happy? Now before I tell you, you all have to promise you won't tell anybody else.

Everybody in the living room agreed to that promise.

Anthony: Very good…Okay,…here I go…Her birth name….is...


	9. Chapter 9

Anthony: …Coming up right after this!

Everybody else groaned.

Anthony: I'm gonna go save my friend's life now.

Anthony went to Lincoln's room.

Anthony: Drink this. It'll make your Squid's Disease go away.

Whatshername: IT WILL?!

Whatshername drank the medicine.

It didn't make her feel better at all.

Whatshername: It didn't work.

Anthony: Give it a second. Medicine doesn't make diseases go away instantaneously. But just in case, I just wanna say…Octolings suck.

Whatshername stood up enthusiastically.

Whatshername: Yeah, Octolings suck!

Whatshername's physical appearance had returned to normal.

Whatshername: …It worked! I feel so much better now! I feel like I was never sick in the first place! Thank you so much! I could just kiss you!...But I won't…..Because I learned the hard way that I don't like boys that way.

Anthony: Or girls?

Whatshername: Or girls!

Whatshername ran downstairs and Anthony followed her.

Whatshername: Squid's Disease isn't gonna kill me!

Lincoln: Tell us your name! Tell us your name! Tell us your name!

Whatshername: Fine. I'm in too good a mood right now to care. Just promise that you won't tell anybody.

Lincoln: We already did.

Whatshername: Good. Now if you must know, my birth certificate and my garbage mom and trash dad claim that my…name…..is…


	10. Chapter 10

Whatshername: Anthony.

George wrote "Are you serious?" on a piece of paper.

Anthony: Yes she is.

George started throwing a fit because he couldn't believe he knew yet another person with that name. But his fit was completely silent.

Lincoln: I'm sorry you have to live with that name.

Whatshername: I **don't** have to live with it. I am Whatshername and nothing anyone or anything can say or do can change that.

Lincoln: Well, you're in a better mood.

Whatshername: I think I'm in the BEST mood.

Whatshername went outside.

Whatshername: And nothing's gonna ruin it! Everything is great for Whatsher…

A boat called the S. S. Alain fell out of the sky and landed on Whatshername. It was black and cyan and had a Mega Charizard X on the side.


	11. Chapter 11

Whatshername's memorial service was held that same day. Anthony was there, but no one else was.

Anthony: …..Nobody came. Not even Diancie.

Diancie showed up. She had a fake smile on her face.

Diancie: Why would I go to a memorial service for someone who isn't dead?!

Anthony: Because Whatshername IS dead.

Diancie: NO SHE'S NOT! You told me you cured her Squid's Disease.

Anthony: I said I cured her Squid's Disease and then a boat fell on her and killed her.

Diancie: That's exactly what I just said. I just took out those unimportant words that don't mean anything. Whatshername is still very much alive, I will see her again within the next 24 hours, and our friendship will continue on for many years to come.

Diancie left. Whatshername's friend DJ, who is also an Inkling girl, showed up.

Anthony: You're here for the memorial service, right?

DJ: Of course.

Anthony: At least someone has some decency. How come no one else is coming though?

DJ: I wish I could say it's because you had the memorial service on the same day she passed, which, sorry to say this, is really stupid. But unfortunately, everyone I asked to come said they didn't want to.

Anthony: Just because they were busy?

DJ: …..I wish. Turns out, everybody hates Whatshername because she hates octopi and is "really, really annoying."

Anthony: …..What about her parents?

DJ: ….What I'm about to say is their words, not mine. "Anthony deserved to die. This is her fault because if she had listened to us and stayed away from the Pokémon world, she would still be alive. She was the most ungrateful, rebellious, and bratty child we've ever seen and we're glad we don't have to deal with her anymore."…Just to reiterate, their words, not mine.

Anthony: Yeah, I can tell.

With no one else there, and not much experience in mourning, Anthony and DJ had nothing to do but sit there and be sad about how they would never see Whatshername again.


	12. Chapter 12

After the memorial service, Anthony went home and checked his email. He got a new one from Lynn Sr.

 _Anthony,_

 _I'm sorry for your loss. I feel this is my fault because the reason she was at our house is because we were playing Vegetables Region. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, you just let me know, son._

Anthony took a long, hard look at that email. More specifically, the last word of it.

Then he screamed and threw his laptop out the window.

He stormed out of the house and started walking out of town.

Anthony: When is he gonna realize I don't want him to be my father?!

Anthony went to a bomb store.

Anthony: Where's your stink bombs?

The employee at the store pointed forward.

Anthony: This is only one person's fault and that person is LINCOLN! All he had to do was cover his mouth when he sneezed. WHO DOESN'T COVER THEIR MOUTH WHEN THEY SNEEZE?!

Anthony picked up one of the store's products and bought it.

That night, Anthony snuck into the Loud house while everyone was asleep.

Anthony stuck the bomb in the floor, causing it to go through. Then he taped a piece of paper to it that said "Anthony was here. Lincoln is a loser." He giggled and went outside. Then he started using the bomb's remote.

Anthony: Let's see. Let's set it to go off tomorrow at 4:08 PM, the exact time that I turn 22. As I turn 22, the Louds will be surrounded by a horrible smell. Best. Birthday. Ever. And now let's turn on barrier mode so they can't leave the house.

A thin, transparent barrier surrounded the Loud house.

Anthony: And now I go home and wait.

 **The Next Day**

Lincoln went downstairs and saw the bomb in the middle of the living room floor. He tried to push it, but it was stuck in the floor too well. He tried to leave the house, but couldn't get through the barrier. He looked back at the bomb and noticed the piece of paper taped to it. He took it off and read it. Then he got angry and called Anthony.

Anthony: I'm Anthony. Who's this I'm talking on the phone with?

Lincoln: You are officially the worst person ever!

Anthony: Geez, that's a pretty harsh thing to say just because I had a weird way of answering the phone.

Lincoln: You put a bomb in our house!

Anthony: Just a stink bomb.

Lincoln: No, it's a **REAL** BOMB!

Anthony: …..It is?

Lincoln: **YES!**

Anthony: ….

Lincoln: Tell me how to turn it off right now!

Anthony: Umm…..you can't.

Lincoln: …..

Anthony: …

 **To Be Continued**


End file.
